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This Explains A Lot About My High-School Love Life

Just in time for Valentine's Day, CNN reports on an anthropological study that explains why Homo Erectus had such a thick skull:

After studying fossils in a region called Dragon Bone Hill in China, anthropologist Russell Ciochon of the University of Iowa concluded males of the species were clubbing one another over the head, probably to win females.

Those with thicker skulls who survived these bloody confrontations would pass that trait to offspring, Ciochon said.

If you're male and you've been through high school, you should be very familiar with the mating-selection process that seems to favor aggressive, thick-skulled candidates who had no problem beating the others on the heads with clubs ... and books, and hoses, and rocks, and really almost anything else on hand, including the hand. The process is not limited to high school, either; you can observe the same results at nightclubs and other places where the younger crowd socializes. In fact, I observed this almost throughout the entirety of my single life, until I met the First Mate, who professed a distaste for head-butting as a romantic gesture.

Perhaps this article should be required reading for adolescent women, with the caveat, "If you make these kinds of choices, you'll wind up with thick-headed offspring." I know that would make millions of male chess-playing marching-band members very, very happy.

The Presidential Dating Game

No, I'm not talking about John Kerry's supposed dalliance. Last night, Dennis Kucinich appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and played a celebrity version of The Dating Game:

The Ohio congressman asked questions of a trio of unseen women in a "The Dating Game" takeoff Thursday on NBC's "Tonight Show with Jay Leno." Responses by Jennifer Tilly, actress Cybill Shepherd and Los Angeles radio talk show host Kim Serafin blended sexual innuendo with politics and references to Kucinich's environmental concerns.

I don't recall this much attention being paid to Jerry Brown's bachelor status when he ran for President in the 80s, but due to his dating history (Linda Ronstadt, for one) and his good looks, people may have assumed he could get his own girlfriends. Kucinich has no such pedigree, but he does seem to have a good sense of humor about himself and has played along with these publicity draws in the spirit of fun. And what middle-aged bachelor could refuse a panel that included Jennifer Tilly and Cybill Shepherd? (I'm not familiar with Serafin.) He wound up winning a date with Tilly, and if you've ever listened to Shepherd talk, you know he made the right decision.

While I consider Kucinich a ludicrous candidate for President as I've mentioned before, I have to admit I'm getting more respect for him as a person as he hangs tough and displays his self-deprecating humor. I'm sorry I missed the show; I guess I stopped TiVoing Leno too early in this election cycle!

Still Northern Alliance to Me

The Elder at Fraters Libertas has immortalized the Northern Alliance in song ... the Billy Joel song "Piano Man," to be specific. An "homage" like this deserves a response -- and one will be coming soon, I'm sure.

Now where did my Jim Croce songbook go? Hmmmm ....

Hoist Upon His Own Petard?

Howard Dean, who pioneered the national Internet campaign, is finding out that the Internet is a double-edged sword, as reported by Newsweek and MS-NBC:

You live by the Internet, you die by the Internet. Just ask Howard Dean. One minute, the Democratic presidential hopeful is harvesting new voters, and campaign contributors, online. The next, he’s being haunted by tech-savvy turntablists. Since his kinda-crazy concession speech in Iowa on Monday night, a bunch of audio files mixing music to his exhortations have been circulating on the Web. “We’re going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico. We’re going to California and Texas and New York!” It's the type of stuff you’d hear at nightclubs, not political rallies. The highlight? Repeated splicing and dicing of Dean’s “Yeagh!” outburst. ...

Thanks for inventing the Internet, Al!

Fellow Northern Alliande blogger James Lileks gets a big mention and the best recommendation for his hot dance mix, Yeagh, and the article provides a link to a shorter entry from Jonathan Barlow. Howard Stern remixed Dean's strangled war cry as well, and yesterday I listened to yet another mix on the KQ Morning Show on my way to work.

Dean managed to do what Iowa voters could not: he has made himself into a national joke. New Hampshire seems to be laughing; CNN reports today that Kerry has vaulted to a 10-point lead against Dean:

The Massachusetts senator leads the former Vermont governor 31 percent to 21 percent in a poll conducted Tuesday and Wednesday, following Monday's caucus victory. Retired Gen. Wesley Clark was third in the poll with 16 percent, followed by Sen. John Edwards at 11 percent and a badly slumping Sen. Joe Lieberman with 4 percent.

In last week's pre-Iowa poll, Dean was the front-runner at 29 percent. Clark was No. 2 at 20 percent, with Kerry third at 15 percent.

Kerry has passed both Dean and Clark, who also seems to be fading -- as I predicted earlier -- now that New Hampshire voters have an un-Dean option that doesn't require supporting a nut like Clark, whose recent outrageous statements have been largely ignored by the media as it focused on Iowa. Edwards seems to be building up to a stronger showing; he's bounced up a couple of percentage points since Iowa, although well within the margin of error.

The verdict: Dean is in trouble -- and so is Clark. At least they're not Lieberman, whose campaign is just about dead.

Separated At Birth?

Nancy Pelosi Frightens A Nation

From the reaction around the blogosphere, you'd think that President Bush's State of the Union address was simply a crowd-warmer for the real entertainment of the evening -- Nancy Pelosi's performance in the Democratic response that almost immediately followed. While both Daschle and Pelosi were both devoid of any specifics, at least Daschle looked like he liked being there; Pelosi's face was frozen into a mask of terror, with wide bulging eyes that seemed to be saying, "Stop me before my face shatters!"

Nor was I the only one who noticed Pelosi's odd facial expression. The Instapundit, Glenn Reynolds, said: "Bush looks better now that the Democratic reply is on. Nancy Pelosi's unblinking, wide-eyed stare-into-the-camera delivery is just creepy. ("Please meet my captors' demands.")" Roger Simon's wife, screenwriter Sheryl Longin, has another reaction: "Botox." In fact, a number of Simon's readers said the same thing in his comments section along with another possibility, summed up nicely, if pruriently, by this comment: "Pelosi must be about one face lift away from having a beard."

The Elder, at Fraters Libertas, scolds Saint Paul for violating the non-compete clause in his (I'm certain) highly lucrative blogging contract and then follows with this description of Pelosi: "Finally, Nancy Pelosi WTF? She is one scary looking broad. With those eyes she looked like an freakin' barn owl. I almost expected her to swoop out of her chair and snag a field mouse (or Tom Daschle) in her talons at any moment."

Finally, Jay Reding at least has the good manners to feel badly about focusing on Pelosi's appearance ... but still notes this, which can serve as a wrap-up:

Pelosi looks like a victim of a bad botox operation... granted, that's rather superficial, but it's also distracting. Her eyebrows are locked in a continued raise. Her delivery is atrocious and canned. If this is the best the Democrats can do, they're screwed.

Prove It! ... er ...

Rumors have been spread among Northern Alliance blogs, and I want to clear something up with the American people right now:

Despite what you may have heard, I did not have lunch with other NA bloggers last Friday.

I did not have an enjoyable break from work with two intelligent and witty guys at a nice and affordable chain restaurant.

I didn't share some great stories about our personal lives and blogging experiences. No siree. Not at all.

Most of all, I did not have in my possession any kind of object that represents the Lord High Commissioner, one that reportedly travels more than I do. I categorically refute all allegations to the contrary. If those who would target me for such libel had any proof, any proof at all, I challenge them to produce it!

Oh, crap.

Uh ... it all depends on your definition of possession ...

The Iowa Hokey Pokey

Ever wonder how the Iowa Caucuses work? So have I; they aren't elections in which people vast secret ballots. Instead, as CNN explains, it's more like musical chairs, where caucusers walk around in each precinct until the music stops, forming groups that indicate support for each candidate (except maybe Kucinich). Those candidates who do not have at least 15% of the entire caucus must release their caucusers for the next round of the game. In between rounds, the candidates and their representatives harangue the participants with speeches, pleas, and promises in order to get already-committed caucusers to change their minds -- which they can do at any time.

Only when all caucusers are committed to "viable" candidates do the precincts send these representatives on to the county conventions, which aren't held until the middle of March. In fact, Iowa doesn't actually decide on its final slate of delegates until the middle of June, when it finally completes its four-tier primary process. It's a bit hard to understand, then, why so much emphasis is placed on Iowa. Dean had it right -- the process almost guarantees that the most energized and radical elements will have the advantage. Of course, that will benefit Dean the most, too.

The first true test, I believe, will be in New Hampshire, where the entire Democratic electorate votes rather than supercharged volunteers caucusing.

A Bit of Journalistic Irony

As I read over the main web page of today's Minneapolis Star Tribune, I noticed a link titled "Editor's Note: Why we pulled USA Weekend from Sunday's Paper." Certainly a provocative invitation, I began to wonder why: Financial disagreement? Offensive material? A Bush endorsement?

When I clicked on the link, however, I found that even the explanation had been pulled from the paper. It looks like some sort of conspiracy! I'm sure that a portion of the blogosphere will assign deep and sinister intent to this, just like they do every time a 404 comes up on the White House web site. Those of us who live here will just continue to be amused by the parochial nature of our largest hometown daily.

Of Course We're Not Offended, You Sexist Pig

Women's professional sports, with the possible exception of tennis, have always struggled to find a wide audience. The problem goes back as far as the defunct professional women's baseball league featured in the excellent movie A League Of Their Own right through today's WNBA and LPGA. It seems that every time league executives address this problem, some idiot comes up with solutions like the one offered by FIFA president Sepp Blatter for women's soccer:

FIFA president Sepp Blatter has caused an uproar by suggesting women soccer players should wear tighter shorts to bring more attention to their sport. Blatter said women's soccer needed different sponsors from the men's game and should seek to attract fashion and cosmetics companies by featuring "more feminine uniforms."

"Tighter shorts, for example," Blatter told the Swiss newspaper SonntagsBlick. "In volleyball the women also wear other uniforms than the men. Pretty women are playing football today. Excuse me for saying that."

Why is it that when men in leadership positions consider the promotion of women's activities, the first idea that pops into their heads is to tart the ladies up? Uniforms should be designed with the sport in mind, not giving the impression that the players are "sporting women" to dirty minds. It's one thing when women choose on their own to promote themselves in this manner, as golfer Jan Stephenson did in the 80s. Posing partially nude was her own personal choice; she didn't drag the entire LPGA into the photo shoot. When the male president of the league that supposedly watches out for their interests attempts to play mack daddy with their uniforms, it crosses over into the inappropriate and tacky.

Perhaps the time has come for FIFA to find new leadership.