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Sunday, November 30, 2003

The Patriette Quails at the Cold

A big thank-you to the Patriette, who recently included me in her blogroll, but she seems to have an issue with Minnesota. She's applying for doctoral programs and one of her choices is, or was, the University of Minnesota, which is near where I live. (The Patriette adding to the collection of Northern bloggers? How cool would that be?) Inexplicably, this picture may have dissuaded her:

I just have to say that as someone looking into their programs and currently living in Texas, THAT PHOTO DOES NOT MAKE ME WANT TO ATTEND THE UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA! It makes every person who's told me that I am insane for wanting to move north because it gets so cold up there seem correct.

Kelly, don't worry about this picture. It's designed to keep out all of the riff-raff from the Paradise that is the Upper Midwest. Just because you can drive pick-ups across our lakes in the wintertime does not mean that Minnesota is unfit for human habitation. I moved from Southern California to live here six years ago, and I've only lost two fingers since then. No, just kidding! Fortunately for my vocabulary, I still have all of my fingers.

Doesn't the sun shine there from time to time?

Yes, we have lovely sunshine all twelve months of the year. However, as we discovered shortly after moving here, a bright sunny day in the middle of winter is not a good sign. In fact, it means that it's colder than Ba'athist compassion -- I mean, it's like tongues-freezing-to-flagpoles, tears-freezing-to-cheeks cold. That's when we all go to the Mall of America, or our favorite pub, or just stay the hell indoors.

Anyway, don't let that little picture throw you too much. As you can plainly see, the weather wasn't bad enough to discourage scores of people from riding their bicycles! And when you do get up here, make sure you let us all know so that we can show you where the frozen lakes are at.

Now that you have read this post, read the most recent entries at the new Captain's Quarters at http://www.captainsquartersblog.com/!

05:08 PM in Humor | Permalink


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I was in St. Paul a couple of weeks ago on business. I had to walk from my hotel to where I was working and unlucky for me, my hotel was not connected via skyway to any other buildings - so I had the JOY of walking outside.

I survived, even though at one point, I called the folks back in my office in Texas just to tell them that the bank billboard above me said that the temperature was 1 degree Fahrenheit. They were all impressed that I even bothered to go to work in that kind of cold (ha ha ha). My Minnesotan friends told me that if I thought that was cold, I should go back in January and check it out.

I'll be sure to let everyone know when I move up there for good. I'm sure you'll recognize me anyway as the idiot girl from Texas who can't drive on ice or snow. Maybe they'll have to put warnings out before I'm allowed to drive in winter weather up there! Ha ha ha.

Stay warm!

Posted by: The Patriette at Dec 1, 2003 2:06:41 PM

You're right about that picture.

IQ's are high in Minnesota, but temperatures low. How does that make any sense?

Posted by: Frank Warner at Dec 1, 2003 11:32:32 PM

Frank, all that ice helps as a preservative, uff da!

Kelly, if you leave it up to that for us to recognize you, how do we tell you apart from all of the Minnesotans who don't know how to drive (regardless of weather)?

Posted by: Captain Ed at Dec 2, 2003 4:51:00 PM